How to Navigate and Manage Tricky Personalities in Your Workplace

Lately, I have been facing a difficult period which has highlighted to me the significance of written expression in aiding us in understanding our emotions and navigating through troubling circumstances. In instances where we are confronted with situations beyond our control, leaving us feeling powerless or unable to voice our perspective, writing about it can be the most beneficial course of action!

In the workplace, we often encounter individuals with challenging personalities. These are the ones who feel threatened by their colleagues, seek constant attention, take credit for others' work, and genuinely make the environment feel uncomfortable. They consistently try to undermine our confidence, leading us to doubt our own perspectives. These behaviours stem from a deep insecurity and lack of self-esteem, driving a relentless quest for validation and control. Having encountered such personalities multiple times, I've gained insights on how to stay grounded and uphold our personal values and integrity amidst their attempts to disrupt us.

At times, it can be challenging to differentiate between someone facing difficulties and reacting in a stressful manner (fight or flight response) and an individual with a genuine personality disorder (the dark triad). Most of us, when under pressure, may exhibit behaviour we are not proud of, but we possess enough self-control and awareness to step back, reflect on our actions, and take corrective measures. This could involve offering a sincere apology for any harm caused, delving into our behaviour, understanding its triggers, and figuring out how to prevent projecting our pain onto others in the future. On the other hand, there are those who fail to adopt this approach, choosing to ignore the issue the next day, glossing over their mistakes, and shifting blame onto others or external circumstances.

What I've learned from my experiences handling these types of personalities in the workplace:

• Document everything (you might need this later!). Save emails, make your own file notes and save them to your personal drive.

• Go even harder on your boundaries. This is a great test! Healthy people can empathise when you are overwhelmed of stressed (e.g. when you ask to be communicated with in a certain way) they will respect and acknowledge this request.

• Talk about your experience. Abuse survives in the dark. When people feel like they are the only one being treated this way and don't share their experience with others - the abusive behaviours will escalate. You can guarantee you aren't the only person having this experience. Find someone you trust and share your story.

• Don't react! Abusers will use personal attacks, insults, bad language, aggressive tone and feel entitled to do so. The best thing you can do is take a pause, take your time. Their urgency is not your urgency. Don't lower yourself to their level.

• You will be baited - don't take the bait. Even when your professional and personal integrity is being questioned and the other person is rushing to tell their side of the story to anyone who will listen - remain grounded in who you are and understand the right people will know lies when they hear them.

• Take action and control the things you can. No one else can control your thoughts or your habits. Double down on healthy habits, get advice, do what you can, but don't lay down defeated and become a victim to your circumstance (I know this is really hard, these types of people have a way of trying to convince you that the odds are stacked against you).

• Most of all.... take care of yourself. Turn off your phone, block people if you need to. Do whatever it takes to protect your energy and be totally ok with this.

When you start asserting your personal power and standing up for yourself in a respectful and kind manner, individuals with dark triad personalities may perceive it as a threat to their own power and become more aggressive. If you find yourself in this situation, you are likely dealing with a workplace bully, which can be one of the most difficult challenges to navigate. Remember, you don't have to face this alone – seek help and take steps to safeguard yourself from these energy-draining individuals. Rest assured, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and something truly wonderful awaits on the other side.

Hope it helps,

Mel x