Feminism and the 'I can do it all' façade

Today I saw a great post by Nicole (The Holistic Psychologist) on Instagram about the important role of mothers and the health of their nervous systems (https://www.instagram.com/p/CdUMvc0v0Oj/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=). It prompted me to share some thoughts on the impacts of our modern culture on women, particularly working mothers. I understand that this experience may not resonate with all women and that's ok. By sharing these thoughts I hope that it will help just one person to reflect on the expectations they have placed on themselves and replace this with more self-compassion.

For those of you who know me personally, you will know that I suffered a period of 'burnout' in 2020. Since becoming a single parent in late 2018, I was determined to prove that I could do it all. I mean that's the goal right? Everyone giving their positive words of encouragement, 'you will get through this and come out stronger', 'Imagine how good you will feel when you can say to your children that you did this all on your own'. While I know these comments are well intentioned, the reality is I allowed these words to push me through the many warning signs that my mind and body were giving me, rather than listening to my own intuition. When I look back, I can see how things got confusing. My whole senior education was focused on the premise that I would get into University, have a successful career and make something of myself. Never once did anyone talk about how to manage and navigate being the 'career woman' while also carrying, birthing and raising children. It's just a societal given that we should be able to juggle all the plates, be Suzie homemaker as well as Cindy, CEO. I'm sorry to tell you, but we have been fed a lie!!! Patriarchy is still alive and well, only in a different form...

"Formerly, many men dominated women within marriage. Now, despite a much wider acceptance of women as workers, men dominate women anonymously outside the marriage. Patriarchy has not disappeared; it has changed form. In the old form, women were forced to obey an overbearing husband in the privacy of an unjust marriage. In the new form, the working single mother is economically abandoned by her former husband and ignored by a patriarchal society at large''

(Source: Arlie Russell Hochschild)

The ideological frameworks that underpin feminism and capitalism have created this unattainable concept of the successful working mother (and I must stress this is my opinion only and it's just that.... an opinion). The expectations on mothers have increased (most are working for pay outside the home), while the jobs they go to and the men/families they come home to haven't changed (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arlie_Russell_Hochschild). The mental, physical and emotional load associated with homemaking and child rearing predominantly falls on women. The end result... a generation of working mothers who are under supported, burnt out and left wondering 'what's wrong with me, why can't I keep up?'. If you want to dive more into the ideological infections plaguing our modern society, I can highly recommend watching Richard Grannon's presentation on Relationship Issues in 2022 https://youtu.be/SPcJQhPSmJs. Richard is an amazing life coach, his content is real, raw, humorous, thought provoking and extremely enjoyable, especially if you are a psychology and sociology nerd like me.

So what's the answer?

A complete cultural shift.

How can we contribute to this change?

• Reduce consumerism in your day to day life and introduce more simplicity. Capitalism has led to people being viewed as products or things to be consumed. So much so, that many of us derive value from how much we can consume (do more, earn more, buy more). Reduce these expectations and be realistic.

• Create stronger boundaries and advocate for your needs in the workplace (push for flexible working arrangements, part time and remote working and don't accept anything less). We have to fight for our sovereignty. Better still, start your own business and work to your own schedule.

• Practice self-compassion and self-care. We really can't take care of anyone else when we aren't taking care of ourselves.

• Also see my BLOG posts titled A soul filled way of work and How do I tell my boss no, for more tips and inspiration.

I hope it helps, Mel x